Halloween is the one night a year when cis people discover what trans and nonbinary folks have known forever: what you wear, what you're called and how you're seen can change how you feel in your whole body. Now take that energy into the bedroom. That's the heart of gender-affirming sex: sex that makes you feel more like yourself, not less.
If dysphoria has ever crashed your hookup like an uninvited ex, you're not broken and you're not alone. Here's what the research says, plus practical ways to make room for pleasure, solo or partnered.
At Empower Pleasure we talk a lot about body sovereignty: you decide what your body is, what its parts are called, and who gets to touch them. Nowhere is that more true than here.
What Is Gender-Affirming Sex, Anyway?
Gender-affirming sex isn't a position or a product. It's any sexual experience, alone or with partner(s), that honors your gender instead of fighting it.
Researchers are finally catching up. A 2025 interview study of 24 trans and nonbinary adults explored not just gender dysphoria but gender euphoria during sex, the "lightness" and joy of feeling seen in your body. The authors argue research has focused on distress for too long, and that euphoria is a more affirming lens. We agree.
Clinicians are moving too: the latest WPATH Standards of Care include a full chapter on sexual health, a signal that pleasure belongs in trans health care.
Why Dysphoria Can Crash the Party
A 2022 study in Archives of Sexual Behavior surveyed 141 trans masculine, nonbinary and agender people who were assigned female at birth and hadn't medically transitioned. Dysphoria was more closely tied to receiving pleasure than giving it. People with more genital or chest dysphoria tended to avoid or enjoy less things like receptive oral sex, receptive penetration and having their nipples or chest touched.
Some folks may focus on a partner's pleasure to steer around the hard stuff. Valid, but you deserve to receive too.
Fine print: the sample skewed white, educated and middle-class, and it didn't include trans women or transfeminine people at all. Research on transfeminine pleasure, and on Black, Indigenous and other trans people of color, is still far too thin. A clinical review also notes that hormones can shift desire and sexual function, and surgery can boost body satisfaction while bringing its own learning curve.
Rename the Furniture: Language Is Foreplay
Words matter in bed as much as at the doctor's office. In a survey of 1,788 trans masculine and nonbinary people, only about 27% had ever been asked by a provider what words they use for their body. Nearly 78% wanted to be asked. And preferences were all over the map: most preferred "chest" over "breasts," while terms for genitals split widely between gendered, neutral and medical words.
Translation for the bedroom: there's no universal script, so ask. Some people love "dick" or "cock" for their clit; some prefer "front hole"; some want no names at all, just "here" and "there." A quick "What do you call this?" is sexier than guessing wrong.
Try a pre-game check-in: what parts are on the menu, which are off, and what words make you feel hot versus yanked out of the moment. Our Yes, No, Maybe list is a great place to start.
Toys Are Gender Tech
Sex toys aren't props. For lots of trans and nonbinary people, they're part of the body. A packer can add a bulge that feels right in your briefs. A strap-on can be your dick, full stop, not a "substitute." A harness worn like underwear can keep things affirming even when nothing is attached.
A few ideas to play with:
- Keep clothes on. Briefs, a shirt or lingerie that feels euphoric is allowed. A vibrator through fabric still works.
- Switch the spotlight. Focus on parts that feel neutral or great (neck, thighs, ears, back) and skip the rest.
- Lube generously. Hormones can change how arousal works, so don't skip it. Our lube guide helps you pick.
- Bind with care. If you bind during sex, take breaks, and take it off if anything hurts or breathing feels hard.
New to harnesses? Start with our strap-on and harness explainer.
For Partners: Affirm, Don't Fetishize
In a 2021 study of 142 trans and nonbinary people, most described being fetishized as objectifying: being treated like a novelty rather than a person. Some did enjoy being desired for their gender, which is exactly why you ask instead of assume.
So: use their words, follow their lead, and check in mid-play ("Still feel good?"). If dysphoria hits, pause without drama. Cuddling, switching activities or calling it a night is a fine outcome. Consent includes the right to change your mind about which parts are invited.
Shop the Article
- Pack It Lite: a soft, lightweight packer for all-day bulge confidence. Your jeans will thank you.
- Packer Gear STP Packer: hollow silicone packer with stand-to-pee function that fits your harness. Multitasking icon.
- Boundless Backless Brief Harness: a harness that wears like underwear, in sizes up to 3XL. Affirming with or without an attachment.
- Boundless 4.5" Slim: a slim, angled attachment that's beginner-friendly for whoever is receiving.
- Intimate Earth Hydra Water-Based Lube: plant-based, toy-safe and condom-safe glide for every body.
Browse more in our Strap-Ons collection.
The Takeaway
Gender-affirming sex is about building pleasure around who you are, not around who the world assumed you'd be. Name your parts your way, put the spotlight where it feels good, invite toys that feel like you, and choose partners who ask. Euphoria is on the menu. Order it.
This article is for educational purposes and isn't a substitute for medical advice. If you have pain, bleeding or concerns after gender-affirming surgery or while binding, or if dysphoria is overwhelming, check in with a gender-affirming healthcare provider or therapist.
Sources
- Griffiths, D. A., Mastrantonio, F., Golm, D., & Armstrong, H. L. (2025). "It feels like a lightness, and it feels… happy": Qualitative exploration of transgender and non-binary adults' understanding of gender euphoria, gender dysphoria, and sexual wellbeing. International Journal of Transgender Health.
- Lindley, L., Anzani, A., & Galupo, M. P. (2022). Gender dysphoria and sexual well-being among trans masculine and nonbinary individuals. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51(4), 2049–2063.
- Lindley, L., Anzani, A., Prunas, A., & Galupo, M. P. (2021). Sexual satisfaction in trans masculine and nonbinary individuals: A qualitative investigation. Journal of Sex Research, 58(2), 222–234.
- Klein, A., & Golub, S. A. (2020). Enhancing gender-affirming provider communication to increase health care access and utilization among transgender men and trans-masculine non-binary individuals. LGBT Health, 7(6), 292–304.
- Anzani, A., Lindley, L., Tognasso, G., Galupo, M. P., & Prunas, A. (2021). "Being talked to like I was a sex toy, like being transgender was simply for the enjoyment of someone else": Fetishization and sexualization of transgender and nonbinary individuals. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 50(3), 897–911.
- Holmberg, M., Arver, S., & Dhejne, C. (2018). Supporting sexuality and improving sexual function in transgender persons. Nature Reviews Urology.
- Coleman, E., Radix, A. E., Bouman, W. P., et al. (2022). Standards of Care for the Health of Transgender and Gender Diverse People, Version 8. International Journal of Transgender Health, 23(S1), S1–S259.
Photo: Shane / Pexels
