Yes, No, Maybe List Online To Have Fun and Safe Sex

A yes, no, maybe list is a tool that has long been used to enhance people’s relationships and sex lives. These lists serve as a way for partners to better communicate what they enjoy, what they would be willing to try, and what is off-limits.

Often, this list exists in a sexual context. In these situations, the list would include kinks, sex acts, fetishes, and more for each party to evaluate. This is far from the only way to use this type of list, though.

A yes, no, maybe list can enhance communications of all sorts, and we encourage you to use it however you see fit. Many people will also use this list to determine some of the terms of their relationship or relationship model, what words to use for one another, and more.

For instance, one partner might only want their genitals referred to using certain words, and a list like this can help to establish that.

It can also work for matters less related to sex or even not related to sex at all. For instance, determining boundaries regarding PDA like hand holding, kissing, and more can all be aided with the help of a yes, no, maybe list.

What Counts as a Yes?

There are a few ways that something can qualify as a “yes” on this type of list. The first and most simple is if this is something you are into — with a resounding yes. Whether this is a tried and true kink for you or a fantasy that you have always had but never explored, you’ll know a yes when you see it.

A yes can also be something you think you would likely be into but are not entirely sure about. In either case, it is well worth discussing with your partner, establishing your interest, and setting certain expectations.

Remember that consent can always be revoked even if you mark something down as a yes. If you change your mind at any point (whether it’s while performing the act itself or at any time before), you should communicate that, and you and your partner should stop immediately.

Some people like to create safewords as a shortcut in communicating these boundaries. Safewords are unique to the individual or the couple, and the act of saying it means that all activity will cease automatically. Due to this, a safeword should be something that you do not say on a regular basis, so no one will get confused.

Some people like to use a system inspired by stoplights for a bit more nuance. Green means all is well; keep going. Yellow means tread lightly, slow down, or check up on each other. Red means to stop right away.

If your mouth is otherwise occupied, you can also employ a series of taps, snaps, or another noticeable movement to communicate. You and your partner should always be in tune with one another’s body and experience.

What Counts as a No?

Thankfully, the “no” on a yes, no, maybe list is quite straightforward. Simply put, a no is anything that you distinctly are not into. Just like how everyone has different kinks, everyone has different sexual activities that they don’t have any interest in.

What Counts as a Maybe?

For something to count as a maybe on this kind of list, it should be an activity that you aren’t entirely sure about. The key, though, is that you could be open it under the right circumstances. This does not mean that it’s something you will inevitably do; it just means you would be open to further discussion.

What Is Usually on a Yes, No, Maybe List?

When putting together a yes, no, maybe list, the sky is truly the limit. You can use an online guide like ours or put one together based on what you and your partner might be into. That said, finding one online or from an outside source might introduce you to new ideas, kinks, and sexual acts you weren’t previously aware of.

The list of activities on your yes, no, maybe list can be as kinky or vanilla as you want. More than anything, they serve as a conversation starter so that you can start having better, safer sex as soon as possible.

The perfect yes, no, maybe list will look different for every person and every couple. The goal at the end is to help your sexual fantasies come to life in a way that both you and your partner are sure to enjoy.

A yes, no, maybe list can look more like a worksheet, but we want to go a bit more in-depth about what you can expect from each activity, kink, or fetish. Keep in mind that this kind of list is a jumping-off point so that you and your partner can talk about sex, establish body boundaries, and find what safely works for you.

You can use these as they are or expand on them to make your own list. Now, without further ado, here are some items you can expect to see on a sexual yes, no, maybe list.

Using Sex Toys

Although we summed it up pretty succinctly, the reality is that there are a plethora of different sex toys you can use. A “yes” to this category is by no means a unilateral acceptance of using all of them. Instead, a yes is just an opening for more discussion and figuring out exactly what kinds of sex toys those are.

You can also get more specific in the list itself by adding items like:

Remember that this is just scratching the surface of all the different sex toys you and your partner can use. Chances are that if both of you are into something, there is a toy for it.


Consensual, sexual spanking can be done with hands, floggers, paddles, and other tools. As always, look out for each other’s sexual responses so that everyone is getting what they want and need.


Like sex toys, BDSM can encompass many different activities, items, and more. Here are just a few possible activities under the BDSM umbrella that you can consider:

  • Blindfolds
  • Gags
  • Handcuffs
  • Rope
  • Sensation play
  • Dominant and submissive play
  • Bondage
  • Sensory deprivation
  • Impact play

Safewords are helpful in all sorts of sexual activities, but this is perhaps never more true than in a BDSM context. Make sure you and your partner establish clear boundaries and means of communication.

Anal Play

Anyone of any gender can enjoy anal sex, but you should also consider if you want to involve fingers, tongues, penises, or toys.


Role-play can mean all sorts of different scenarios depending on what you’re into. For instance, cross-dressing can be a common form of role-playing.

Mutual Masturbation

This sexual activity can be done side by side or in any number of other positions. Mutual masturbation can be achieved using fingers, toys, and more.

Oral Sex

Oral sex is just defined as one partner using their mouth on another partner’s genitals. Penises, vaginas, and anuses all count under this umbrella.

Make sure to determine what exactly oral sex means to you and what forms of it you are interested in.

Phone Sex

This can include cybersex, sexting, and more. This may also include consent regarding nude photos and videos, when they are sent, etc.

Leaving Marks

Leaving marks can occur as hickeys, scratches, bruises, and more. You should specify if you would be into giving, receiving, both, or neither.

Nipple Play

Using fingers, tongues, clamps, and more, nipple stimulation is well worth thinking about. Some people lose it over a little nipple stimulation; others feel next to nothing.

Food Play

Keep in mind that food should never be inserted anywhere in the body besides your mouth. However, using food externally can be a new and exciting activity.

Dirty Talk

Many people enjoy some amount of dirty talk, but this is where establishing boundaries with language is so important. What is hot to one person might be a turn-off to another and vice versa.

Say Yes to a Yes, No, Maybe List

Using a yes, no, maybe list can facilitate many kinds of sex education, which is why so many sexuality educators regularly sing their praises. Here at Empower Pleasure, we firmly believe that anything that gets us talking about sex and discussing sexual health is incredibly important.

Whether you have a new partner or have been with your partner for a long time, it could be time to include this kind of list in your repertoire.


Growing Up Kinky: Research Shows How Kink Identity Is Formed | Psychology Today

Sexual Consent in and Out of the Bedroom: Disjunctive Views of Heterosexual College Students | University of Arkansas, Fayetteville

What Is BDSM? Fundamentals, Types and Roles, Safety Rules, and More | Everyday Health

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