Strap-On 101: How To Have Sex With a Strap-On

Having sex with a strap-on is a fun and fulfilling way to mix up your sex life, no matter what your gender or sexuality is. Strap-ons are super versatile toys that can be used in various ways! They’re inclusive, fun, and an amazing way to spice things up with your partner or on your own.


But before you get started with a strap-on, it’s important to know what you’re getting into — or what’s getting into you. So let’s walk through some important points to keep in mind when you’re thinking about how to have sex with a strap-on.

1. Be Open to Exploring

It’s a well-known reality that an active and varied sex life contributes to a healthy relationship and lifestyle for many people, and involving a strap-on in your sex life can be a great way to lean into that.


It’s also something that can come with some negative assumptions and baggage based on outdated gender expectations. So the first thing to remember is that staying open to new experiences and discussing new ways of playing with your partner is a key part of a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

Whether you’re in a heterosexual relationship and want to swap traditional roles, or you’re a person with a vagina in a relationship with a person who has a vagina, strap-ons can be a great way to try and experience new sensations and to get to know your partner more fully in an intimate way.


Of course, you should never engage in anything that makes you uncomfortable. But it’s worth interrogating some knee-jerk reactions if they’re based on stereotypes or traditional roles.

2. Choose the Right Equipment

Choosing the right strap-on and harness for your needs is an important first step. You’ll want to make sure that whatever harness you use fits you properly and will hold up to whatever activity you get up to — not to mention you should be comfortable!


There are two main types of harnesses to choose from: harnesses that look like underwear and harnesses that are made from adjustable straps. The latter is ideal if you’re not sure of your sizing or if you plan to share your strap-on harness with your partner and will need it to fit both of you.

Harnesses like the Strap U Lace Envy Crotchless Panty Harness may be a little more secure. So it’s just down to your preferences!


If you or your partner experiences gender dysphoria and the idea of wearing a realistic dildo seems like it may be triggering, there are many dildos out there in shapes and colors that are distinct from a penis.


Conversely, if a lifelike dildo would be gender-affirming for you or your partner, something like the Vac-U-Lock 7” Perfect Realistic Cock is a great option for you. But the long and short of it (no pun intended) is that whatever your personal tastes or needs, there’s a strap-on that will work for you.

3. Manage Your Expectations

While strap-on sex can be similar in many ways to sex with a penis, it’s crucial to remember that it isn’t the same so that you can manage expectations accordingly. You’re probably not going to pull on your harness and immediately have 10/10, five-star strap-on sex with your partner right off the bat. As with anything new you try, there’s likely to be a learning curve.


You’ll also have to expect moments of downtime to adjust your harness or even just to put it on. If you and your partner are taking turns, you’ll have to consider pausing to switch and re-fit the harness.


This doesn’t mean the fun has to stop while you’re making adjustments — it just means that there may be some moments of downtime that you should be aware of.

4. Don’t Forget Lube

Along the lines of managing your expectations, it’s important to remember that, unlike physical members, your strap-on doesn’t create its own lubrication. Also, depending on the material from which your strap-on is made, if you’re engaging in vaginal penetration with your strap-on, natural bodily fluids may not work as well as you might expect. Don’t forget to use lube to keep play comfortable for everyone involved. And forget the idea that less is more — when it comes to lube, more is more, especially when you’re using a toy that could be unpleasant or even painful if it’s too dry.

5. Don’t Restrict Your Play

Your north star should always be your partner’s comfort level and any yeses, nos, or maybes you may have discussed. But outside of what’s consensual, there’s no reason to limit yourself — but especially with a new toy, it can be easy to fall into a routine of expected positions, such as missionary or doggy style.


But the reality is strap-ons are as versatile as you are! You can do just about any position with a strap-on, and strap-ons can be used by anyone of any gender with any physical body type. 


Throw your partner up on a table or counter so you can penetrate them while standing, or test how flexible you are by letting the strap-on wearer lift your legs over their shoulders for an elevated version of missionary. The sky — and your stamina — is the limit!

6. Always Clean Your Toys

While a strap-on can feel like another limb, as it were, once it’s a normal part of your play with your partner, it’s important to remember that it isn’t. This means that it isn’t going to be cleaned when you shower or naturally taken care of by your body. You have to clean it yourself, ideally before and after use, especially if you’re using your toys for anal penetration.


Depending on the material your dildo is made out of, you’ll take care of it differently. Even if you’re great at remembering to clean and disinfect your toys, if you plan to use your strap-on for both vaginal and anal insertion, it might be worthwhile to use separate toys for different types of play to mitigate any risks of contamination.

Takeaway

Having sex with a strap-on may seem intimidating, especially if you’ve never tried it before. Whether you’re interested in trying it out or your partner has raised it to you as something they’re interested in, the first step to working a new toy into your sex life is doing some research so you know what you’re getting into and how to play safely.


After all, you want to get all of the hard work out of the way first, so you can have fun without stress when you find the strap-on that’s right for you.


Sources:

What’s the Best Way to Clean Sex Toys | Brown University

Sexual Satisfaction and the Importance of Sexual Health to Quality of Life Throughout the Life Course of US Adults | National Library of Medicine

Gender Dysphoria | National Library of Medicine

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